Monday, November 28, 2011

Changes in Attitude

I have to say a few things out loud. Writing them down is best for me. It’s actually my only choice as Mrs. Spadoman is on the road, and that means my soul mate isn’t around for me to bounce my troubles off of.
She is in New Mexico. She went down to take care of our business with the apartment, the bank, the post office and the gas company. She also will bring back our personal belongings from the place we were renting down there.
Seeing as we weren’t going to be going down there and making use of the place, the land lord found another tenant and let us off the hook for the rest of the lease. The new tenants are to move in December 1st, so we had to get our stuff out of there.
I tell you, it’s pretty damn hard for me not to be making this trip with her, you know how much I love to travel, and it seems harder to be home alone. But Mrs. S needed the break as she has been on edge throughout the entire hospital stay. I am stable enough to be alone, and the chore had to be done. Besides, I have a cell phone for any emergency and very optimistic that I won’t need to use it.
As far as my recovery process is concerned, I can tell you that there is definite improvement. I am breaking in the new routines and they are becoming habit. My weight is down. I’m getting used to the lowered blood pressure and I am able to drive into town and walk around the grocery store and stop in at the coffee shop. The bigger problem is I haven’t had a cup of coffee, or any caffeine for that matter, since October 26th!
What I am having a problem with is a desire to participate in many things at the level I did before all this happened. One of these things is computer involvement. That means reading and writing the blogs and Facebook interaction, all the stuff I did on a regular basis.
I sit a lot and watch TV. I read a little and stare out the window, watching the birds at the feeder. This morning, I got up really early because I went to bed really early. I had the luxury of listening to a very loud hoot owl for about a half hour long concert.
This is by no means a sad thing. I am not suffering. I just don’t have the drive and desire right now to create. It will come, but isn’t there right now.
Please bear with me as I adjust. I’m sure the new drug regimen  has something to do with it. I am forever thankful for all the outpouring of thoughts and prayers and concern all of you have shown. I cannot seem to convey how much I appreciate it. And although my presence to your pages and postings on my own pages is slow and intermittent, I am still around and hope to get back to normal soon.
Thank you.


Jeannie said...

Don't worry about us - just get better. Sometimes it's nice to just veg out and not think. Let other things happen.

Take care.

Marilyn & Jeff said...

I think this is the time for you to sit back and relax and enjoy life around you, enjoying what Mother Earth has given us, listening to the owl hoot would have been magic to me.

Mel said...

Huh. Darn Moof Monster ate my post.

Ah well.....Moof Monsters haffta eat too, I guess! :-)

I've no doubt remaining while the soul mate went to do business in NM was an extremely difficult thing to have to do. But it's good--the break for her, the time for you. It's a 'get your feet back under you' time and it's well spent, methinks. It'll get your confidence a bit stronger and give you some time to solidify this new routine you have going on--which sounds like it's a good thing. Wow.....I love owls. :-)
And I'm thinking it's a good thing to be involved right where your feet are. No biggie about where you've read or what you've wrote. (as long as you're checkin' in, that is....LOL)Matters to this one that you're healing and spending your time doing what's good for your heart. (literally and figuratively)

Good that you're resting. Good that you're getting out and doing. Good that you're taking opportunities to just BE.



That's just my two cents!

rebecca said...

i am so happy to see you here and read that you are improving. one day at a time dear friend!

hard to imagine barb in new mexico without you! glad you are off the lease and let's just see what adventure the new year will hold for you.

when you do feel the pull to post i wanted to let you know my invitation for twelve days of mary is waiting for you and everyone at recuerda mi corazon. i so enjoyed each of your offerings last year and hope you will join me once more to share the heart of mary!
continue on your healing path!

Fran said...

Life is change. Good for Mrs S to get a little time away, even though it means doing a chore
You have already made it through some big hurdles & avoided worse case scenarios.

For now be glad for that stuff.
You are out of the hospital.
You are stable enough to be home alone.

Even though so many changes suck all at once- in general the outcome is you will be a healthier you.

I have been through lots of changes too & have made progress. Ain't easy-- but here I am 8 weeks out of surgery & about to walk w/o a cane.

susan said...

I came across an apt phrase the other day:

How do you know your work on Earth isn't done?
Because you're still here.

It's a hard thing adjusting to changes that come with a sudden illness or accident. The inherent message seems to be to just sit quietly for a while to reflect. Of course, that's something we all know you're very good at while you're feeling in good health too but there's no sense in railing against a temporary timeout. I know you're doing what you can but your body needs the rest.

I'll check back and mention I've been here whether you've posted again or not. Peace and good health to you and may Barb's trip go well.

rebecca said...

dear spadoman,

thinking of the twelve days of mary. you could even re-post a favorite mary from last year. just want you to be in the loop of love!