Friday, July 26, 2013

Lost Heart

Haiku My Heart
July 26, 2013

Don’t get an opportunity like this too often. Today is Friday, the day I participate at Haiku My Heart through my friend Rebecca’s blog, recuerda mi corazon. It’s also my first born daughter Maggie’s birthday. 

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As everyone in our family has their mind on Maggie, I guess we have decided to get together and have a birthday party tonight here at Spadoville.

We couldn’t think of anything that Maggie really liked a lot other than Diet Coke, so, we’re making shish kabobs and the youngest daughter will bring dessert. That will be a surprise.

In the meantime, that’s where my mind is these past few days, so please indulge me as I pay tribute.

Maggie, Please come back

I knew you would, if you could

Love and miss my child

This is one of my favorite photographs of the children. Maggie is in the middle with Jayne on her left and Alyssa on her right. This had to be 1979 and Jayne was 2 years old, Alyssa 3, and Maggie 6. They are playing in our backyard when we lived on Laurel Avenue in St. Paul. Click it to enlarge. It's a rich warm black and white.

July 26, 1973. We were living in Brookfield, IL back then. Mrs. Spadoman’s dad gave us some money for a down payment to buy a house. We lived across 31st Street and one block West of Raymond, the street where Mrs. Spadoman’s mom and dad lived, and where she grew up from around eight years old until she married me and moved out in 1971.

It was a small two bedroom affair that was built on a cement slab. No basement, just the two bedrooms, a living room, kitchen and bathroom. There was a single car garage that we tore down so we could build a two-car garage.

I sold my 1970 orange Plymouth Barracuda when Barb got pregnant with Maggie. I bought a station wagon. A 1972 Ford Torino Station Wagon. Traded in a two door hard top sports car for a family truckster. Maybe I was thinking we’d have a bunch of kids. Maybe I didn’t know what I was thinking, or don’t remember. But by August of 1974, just one year and one month after Maggie was born, we traded in the station wagon, bought a Dodge van and moved to Minnesota. We haven’t looked back since.

We had her name picked out already. We didn’t know what sex the baby was going to be before she was born, but we picked out a boy and a girl name. If I’m remembering correctly, I think we had Andrew for a boy so we could call him Andy. That was after no one in particular.

We had it in our mind to name a girl Margaret so we would call her Maggie. Margaret Ellen, with Ellen for a very dear friend who is still a very dear friend and someone we love and respect deeply.

Maggie was born in the middle of the morning. Back in those days, I was in a waiting room and the doctors and nurses took care of the birth and all. I was shown the baby in the nursery behind a glass window. 

No matter, she was a precious dear little soul and I still feel the feelings I had when each of my three daughter’s were born. The second two, I was involved with the birthing by being there, in the delivery room, and in the case of the youngest, I participated by actually wielding the scissors that cut the umbilical cord. I was given the baby to hold immediately after their Mother held them. It was Barb that handed them to me to hold.

Last month, on June eighth, we remembered that it was 22 years ago that we lost Maggie. She was involved in a car accident that took her life and the life of the driver, young Jim Cooper. Also in the car was her friend Adrienne. We are so fortunate to still have Adrienne around and get to see her now and then.

So, this day and this Haiku is dedicated to my daughter, Maggie. I’ll save some cake and ice cream for you.



Laura said...

How beautiful to continue gathering to celebrate your beautiful Maggie's birthday... after all her memory and stardust from her soul will always be present with you.

Anonymous said...

I am sitting near a window as I read your beautiful tribute to your daughter. It is raining, rather steadily. As I looked up to the north, a small patch of blue opened up through the clouds. May you feel your daughter's presence today as you continue to celebrate her life and your love for her.!

Jean said...

Seeing a picture like this is like watching an old movie with a young actor in it who, at the time, is a nobody, but who is now, famous. Looking, I am plagued with the question: "Did you have any clue at this time, what was going to happen to you?" And of course, the answer is no. But yet, the future came for them and is now past.

The tragedy of someone dying young leaves me with the same sense of awe. They are always remembered - always special - far more than one who lives to a ripe old age.

I wonder why that is. Am I strange or do you think this is typical?

Anonymous said...

A beautiful tribute, Spadoman. Even as you celebrate her birthday, be assured that she is there with you, though she is at rest.

somepinkflowers said...

She would
if only She could
& really
who is to say
your dear Maggie
was not standing by your elbow
you rote this love*filled posting ??

who is to say ??

Priti Lisa said...

there will be a time
3 girls swinging together again.
And you
Love, Lisa

Nanka said...

This is the nicest tribute from a loving dad to his little girl!!The post is laden with your love!! Maggie must have blown a kiss your way!! A smile I must give the three beautiful young sisters in your great capture and a blot to the tears!!
Always Peace Spadoman!!

Dawn Elliott said...

Every year, your post about Maggie's life brings tears to my eyes. I have lost some friends and somewhat distant relatives along the way...and always celebrate their lives on special days, as well. Beautiful in it's bitter sweetness...

deb did it said...

I am holding you and Maggie deep inside my heart

Stephanie said...

oh Spadoman,
with tears in my eyes I am sending you and your family love and strength.

yes, she would if she could.


gma said...

Joe I join you in your celebration of Maggie's life. May you revel in delightful memories. ((Hugs))

J C said...

When I first read your haiku I though it was what I would write to my own daughter. Losing a child is something one never, ever finds total peace with. I did not know about Maggie, and I am so sorry for you, and Mrs. Spadoman. I know you will celebrate her birthday with much love and I know she will be watching and feeling your love. xo

Magical Mystical Teacher said...

Your stories are precious. I hope you are compiling them for your children and grandchildren.

Haiku My Heart Riversong

Nonnie said...

I'm having a hard time seeing because tears are flowing. what a precious tribute to your daughter, and I agree with MMT, save your stories because they are priceless.

Fallingladies said...

Glad you are celebrating your daughter with your family tonight, probably right now! A beautiful haiku to speak to her and a perfect touching post! will be thinking of you!

Anonymous said...

Such a heart warming haiku and tribute to dear Maggie ~ thanks, and lots of healing hugs to all ~

ps. Haiku Cubes can be found on Amazon ~ they are cubes with words to use to write haiku ~

Susie Clevenger said...

How touching to continue to celebrate Maggie's birthday. Such a beautiful haiku!

Mel said...

((((((( Spadoman ))))))))

Beautiful, tearful memories with a heart overflowing with love.

Happy Birthday Maggie.

peggy gatto said...

Happy birthday Maggie!
Love to your family

Hazel said...

What a loving tribute from a Dad to a darling daughter. I like to think she's sending you hugs and kisses from the heavens!

Happy birthday, Maggie.

rebecca said...

it is such a night of wind stirring the memories of a parents love. this night when i am finally able to savor and visit the haiku circle, a night when you have already shared the surprise desert with your dear family and made a toast to maggie with all your love.
i am sitting here in the autumn of my life and crying for the love you share so raw to this day and so gorgeous with the sweetness of your father love.
thank you for being a river of love willing to take us all in, right there beside all your sweet girls.

Anonymous said...

You have written such a beautiful tribute to your daughter ! I know Maggie is a proud soul !Lots of love to you and your family :-)

susan said...

It's always so sad to think about how you lost Maggie and just how much you still miss her. You have my deepest condolences always as well as my wish that you will all meet again.

somepinkflowers said...

{{ just me
to look
at the sweet photo
of the three girls ...

i am now
going thru my mom's box of photos
& i do fret
that tomorrow's child grown up
will miss this treat
what with digital & all ...

the b&w photos change color
so nicely
like Time*Memories ♥ }}