November 18, 2011
Haiku My Heart is done every Friday. To see more and find out how you can participate, see Rebecca's recuerda mi corazon blog.
Joe Spadoman, one
Creator not done with me
Grimm Reaper, zero
There is a tree outside my hospital room window. It is full of green leaves. I don’t know what kind of tree holds its leaves this far into November here in the Northland, but it sits outside my window and tells me that there is still life in it. Not ready to become dormant. Not ready to die.
I have been getting messages from friends and family throughout this ordeal. There is no way I can tell any one of you how uplifting and important it is to read or hear that someone is thinking good thoughts for me and my family. I am eternally grateful and can only mutter the words thank you with humility and keep my head firmly hanging, hiding the tears.
Huckleberry Finn had the extreme luxury of attending his own funeral. He heard people eulogizing his life. I feel so blessed and fortunate that I have been afforded this same luxury as people who have never met me speak such wonderful words about me and pray for me.
I will tell you, it worked so far. I do have a good fight ahead of me, but for now, I have been sent home after almost two weeks in the hospital and I will wait for time to pass and the drug chemicals to work in my bloodstream to break up a clot in my heart. In the meantime, a pacemaker device was installed in my chest, upper left side. All of these procedures while trying to control diabetes and keep my lungs, legs and stomach clear of fluid from congestive heart failure. It will take perseverance, discipline and a lot of help from my family.
The changes in medication alone will once again change the way I live, but the doctors are optimistic that I will improve. They tell me that I will be able to ride my motorcycle again someday.
When I came out of anesthesia after my second triple bypass in 2003, I found myself alone with my thoughts, and although heavily sedated, I talked with the Creator. I told the Great Mystery that if it was my time, I am ready. I was told that it wasn’t my time and to fight for my life. I recall clenching my fists and feeling the adrenaline flowing through my body. Like Rocky Balboa I rose up and lived again.
When I was recovering from this 2003 surgery, I felt that I’d never come around and that I’d never walk comfortably again. Yes, the recovery process took a while, but I have been able to enjoy a very reasonable lifestyle, considering the circumstances, since then, right up to when my heart went aflutter on October 26th of this year.
I must believe that every day that I see my reflection in the mirror is another day of opportunity at living life. I also realize that It isn’t about me at all, and that I owe this continuation of life to God, as we understand him, and the many souls that take part in wanting me to be around. That would be my family, my friends and my loving wife Barb that is the glue that holds all of us together.
My haiku today is not a bragging right, nor is it a declaration of victory. It is a testament to the power of the many human spirits that walk the universe and ask, dream, wish, hope and ponder the idea that one person’s life is important enough to let him know they think it is. I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate all the kindness that has been afforded to my family and myself.
In that essence, I send prayers of thanks back to you to use when you need them. I send these every day and say that I believe it was your prayers of light and love that allow me to be here today to speak this prayer to you:
Creator, Thank you for the light of day
Thank you for another day
Thank you for this new day today
Thank you for the rest you’ve given us
Thank you for the coolness that gives us comfort from the heat
Thank you for the warmth that brings us comfort from the cold
I thank you for the Sacred Circle that this creates, and for the opportunity to be a part of this Sacred Circle and the lessons it teaches
Thank you for listening to the prayers of the people
Thank you for listening to my prayers today
Today I pray for the Veterans, for the Elders, for the Addicted, for the Sick and Infirmed. I pray for the families and friends of these so that their suffering is relieved as well
I pray for the Children, the Families and Relationships
I pray for the Spiritual Leaders that help the people to pray, for their families and for their safe travel
Go back to the first paragraph of this post. Read it again. Yesterday, when the doctor came into my room and examined me to allow my trip back to my home, the sun was shining brightly, as it has for the past week. I watched the people walking to and fro bundled up against a raw North wind. That tree started to drop its leaves, and by noon, it was barren, with the still green clumps of small feathery leaves scattered on the sidewalk, street and courtyard like a blanket.
This tree spoke to me every day and sent me your words and thoughts. I was able to see the life you sent to me every day and I felt it. Now, as I have spent the first night in my own bed after a fortnight away, I slept soundly, and I thank you from the bottom of my soul.