Friday, July 27, 2012


Haiku My Heart
July 27, 2012


Every Friday, we come together and share. We write and do show and tell through our poetic words. Friends have been made and the circle grows as we visit each other. Have a look. See if you'd like to join us. You can find all you need at Rebecca's recuerda mi corazon.



Maggie, Please come back
I knew you would, if you could
Never ending dream
Thirty Nine. She’d have been thirty nine on the 26th of July, 2012. That was yesterday. We had cake after dinner. I try to remember more, but the years have taken away some of it. 
The last time I saw her in person was at her high school graduation on a Monday night in June, 1991, June 4th. It was held in downtown St. Paul at the Roy Wilkins auditorium. Then, we went to Applebee’s and had dinner.
Graduation night, June 4, 1991, with her friends Bobby and Adrienne, in the green dress

The next day, her Mom and sisters and I left to live and work in Northern Minnesota at a YMCA Camp called Camp Menogyn. Maggie stayed in St. Paul and had a small efficiency apartment a few blocks from her work and on the bus line, so in the Fall, she could take the bus to classes at the University of Minnesota.
Maggie inn the steps of her apartment building, 1991

Instead of the typical kid going off to college and the family staying back in the home town, we went off to work way up on the Canadian border and the kid stayed in the home town.
My fondest memory, the scene that I see over and over in my mind’s eye, was when I went to Camp Menogyn for a few weeks the month before, May of 1991. I went to set up the kitchen and orientate myself to the logistics of the camp.
The day I returned, I was up in the apartment and Maggie got home from school. She bounded up the flight of stairs that led to our apartment on Goodrich Avenue. I see her coming up that stairwell, screaming and smiling, in a hurry to get up there to see me, her dad, because I had been away. I remember the thunderous noise of her footsteps as she rushed up the wooden steps in her exuberance.
I’m glad that is the memory I see. I wish I would wake up now, and have it all be a dream. My God how I miss her.
I can’t help but wonder what things would be like if this tragic event hadn’t taken place. She was already in college at 17, with multiple post-secondary education credits. Her boyfriend, Bobby Jens, was already the perfect, respectful, courageous son-in-law, and that was when they were dating! She had achieved things that many people don’t achieve in a lifetime, like her acceptance into the first class of the Rudy Perpich Center for the Arts.
I wrote a song some short time after she left us. I noticed that some of the lines fit right into the 5-7-5 Haiku, so I am using it today for Haiku My Heart. After all, nothing has ever touched my heart more than my children and Grandchildren. Maggie was our first born child. She taught me what love is. So, the Haiku is truly from the heart, about the heart and for the heart and soul of a family.
Here are the words, I have never put a title on this:
When I was young
I followed my dreams
My friends thought I was crazy
With some of my schemes
But you stood by me, baby
Through good and through bad
Now the dream is over
The end is so sad
Chorus
Maggie, please come back
I knew you would if you could
Through twenty years of marriage
The love did divide
‘Twas a Pearl named Maggie
So sweet and sublime
She awakened our spirits
And of others around
Made her mark on the world
Her legend lives on
Chorus
Life is a card game
The luck of the draw
It was comin’ up aces
But fate had a flaw
Something has happened
No more smilin' sweet song
Our world has ended
Maggie is gone
Chorus
fin
Dale Apartments in St. Paul, MN. I snapped a cell phone shot as I sat at the light outside Maggie's apartment building yesterday

Please don’t be sad. Death is a part of life. No one gets out alive. I accept this, and although I would have wanted it to be different and every one I ever knew to die of old age after me, that’s not the master plan for every living creature. I mark this day because it is just that, this day. Yesterday was Maggie's birthday, and like we would feel after a grand celebration, we feel everyday.
Margaret Ellen (Maggie) Spado
July 26, 1973 -- June 8, 1991
Peace to all

17 comments:

Jeannie said...

You have endured every parent's worst nightmare - I am glad your relationship was a loving one.

Kim Mailhot said...

The pain of this sad, sad loss never goes, of course, but you grab hold of the sweet memories and use them to get you through life without her. I feel her spirit smiling at the remembrance of those footsteps on the stairs.
Peace and love to you, Tender Man.

Dawn Elliott said...

I'm trying not to be sad - as I sit here totally bawling! My belief is that you'll be reunited 'in the blink of an eye'...even though it might seem like forever here on earth. Such dear memories...thank you for sharing Maggie's life with us today.

somepinkflowers said...

oh
oh
your words
come clearly
from your open heart
so
how perfect is that.

your sharing this memory
here & now
is a Maggie*gift
to us all...


{{ such an honor,
BTW }}

Karen said...

Memories are held in the heart forever, the years cannot take them from there. Thank you for opening your heart to us today, and sharing what is inside.

Lea said...

Joe... you share so much with us, in this circle of yours, and now Maggie... Thank you for this song of her, and allowing us to dream with you... my words fail me here, for I am so moved. Much love to you and your family. The round fullness of Maggie illuminates us all.

rebecca said...

dear joe,

what really got me was the photograph of your maggie sitting so young and ready for life before this brick apartment building. just ready to bloom on the front porch of life.
and the full circle as you capture those same steps...all these years later. and the way her essence lingers in every detail of your hearts and lives.
thank you for writing with such candor, reminding everyone of us to love more fully, speak more truly, to express our appreciation and adoration for all those that comprise our life.

and to maggie, i am looking forward to the great honor of our sweet collection of beautiful souls creating a traditional dia de los muertos altar while in san miguel this fall. you will find yourself surround with all our loved ones and our deepest acknowledgement of your life and theirs.

ArtMuseDog and Carol said...

Maggie's light shines to us all ~ especially to you and your family ~ Very lovely song for Maggie ~ thanks so much for sharing ~ healing hugs to you all ~~ thanks, namaste, (A Creative Harbor)

Magical Mystical Teacher said...

How do you write tears into a comment?

joanne said...

a heartfelt entry....it is so horrible when you lose someone you love.....sorry,...a wonderful tribute....

Fallingladies said...

First i need to say how much i love reading your comments on my posts, always so thoughtful, and because of that i want to go ahead and say here what i normally don't talk about on my blog as i never found a way to do it as well as you did here.... As a simple sharing of a sad but loving story..... I lost my first child as well, but at birth. He would have been 26 a month ago, and i always wonder how our lives would have been different had we had him to raise. It just never goes away.

susan said...

I'm glad I came by again this evening. Whenever I remember the ones who have left this Earth before me I'm sad we won't meet again here but I do understand we'll meet again.

Peace and Blessings.

Annie said...

I remember you writing about this a while back Steve. It never gets easier does it. Dulls, yes. Easy? No.

Kristjaan Panneman said...

What can I say ... I can feel the pain and tears spilled for her. It brought some memories back to me. Several years ago ... my brother died of cancer and I miss him every day. He is one of my inspirations, maybe my muse?

Leo said...

The heaviness of your heart comes through your haiku, and I can feel it, Spadoman. Never easy to write such...

Marit said...

Your haiku, your song - it's true and honest and deep my friend. I can feel the 'kinda blue' and the good memories pouring through your lines. It is all in there... life and death is all in there. Thinking of you my friend!

Mel said...

How DO you write tears in a comment?

It wasn't the full of life and joy photos--it was the apartment building shot at the end.

Makes my heart hurt for you and yours.

I shall hug mine tighter today, a bit longer and say words of gratitude that I get to.

(((((((( Spadoman )))))))))