Friday, February 1, 2013

The Heart of the Matter

Heart event ahead

Heart event behind has passed

Matters of the heart

Thank you for the comments.

I will explain this Haiku. Next Wednesday, February 6, 2013, I am scheduled to have the pacemaker that was installed in November of 2011, tested. The VA doctors put the device in my chest and never tested whether or not it will indeed "shock" me if my heart malfunctions. My pacemaker has a built-in defibrillator and this defibrillator has never been tested.

Last month, I had the device checked and by hooking it up to a specially programmed computer, it was found that I haven't had any reoccurrence of Atrial Fibrillation or Atrial Flutter. I was taken off of the blood thinning medication, Coumadin, (Warfarin), and the pacemaker was powered down and put into a power saving mode. It was also noted that the device was never tested.

So, they will mess with my heart while I am under anesthetic and see if it works and the defibrillator does indeed shock me. It is a routine procedure to the doctors. But to me, it means they will kill me, then bring me back to life.

I know I am ready to die when the time comes, and no one knows when that time will be. It is out of my hands and I accept the inevitability of death. My anxiety is because I sure don't want to die at the hands of someone testing the device that is supposed to keep me alive.

Hence, the Haiku. The heart event coming up is the test next week. The heart events in the past were the previous heart surgeries and installation of the pacemaker. The last line is obvious then, all matters concerning the heart that beats inside my body.

This should explain it. I ask for prayers and good thoughts, not to live forever, but to be able to deal with the anxiety it causes me.  Thank you.







Peace

11 comments:

Mel said...

Oh. See, NOW you have me wondering!

Yeahyeah...if you're gonna pray, why worry?!

Matters of the heart.....innit always?
(((((((( Spadoman )))))))

Jean said...

Drenched in meaning yet so much mystery.

I hope things are still good - and the heart matters ahead are as "textbook" as they can be. Keep the faith. Peace.

Kim Mailhot said...

I am hoping this ia about a heart event filled with joy like a big celebratory gathering of some kind.

May the matters of the heart be good, easy and life giving !
Love and peace to you, Mysterious Man ! ;-)

Lea said...

I tried to post yesterday from my iphone, but it wouldn't let me. So much for technology on the go... you've been on my mind a lot. Your heart means a lot to my heart, so I am sending you both my love and hope that these matters are sorting themselves out as best as possible. Much love and peace to you my dear Mr. SpadoheArtman...

Spadoman said...

Thank you for these comments. I'm sorry that I was so mysterious. I have written an explanation and I invite all to go and read it. You'll get the reason why I wrote what I did.

Thanks again for visiting here.

Peace

Fallingladies said...

Good luck next week, i hope all goes well for you in your matters of the heart!

betmo said...

did you want the paperclip to jerryrig the pacemaker? :) hugs to you my friend...and peace too...there aren't words to take away the anxiety- only the faith that the folks know what they are doing and that you have a good life and have lived one up to now...you have people here on this side who love you and i hope it isn't your time to pass to the other...namaste...

Kim Mailhot said...

I will keep the prayers going, and send you an extra big boost of loving light on Wednesday, Man. All is well.

Fran said...

I find it helps to do that positive affirmation/mantra "I will get through this" when heading into a major medical procedure.

Will hold you in the light.

Mel said...

They never tested it?
They never TESTED IT?!

ACK!!

Well then... The good news is it wasn't required and .....isn't at this point?
And the other good news is He didn't bring ya to here to drop ya!
So, have faith--remember how very well taken care of you truly have been and STILL are.
And we'll send prayers and positive thoughts and send blessings to the folks who get to do the test.

Oy.....never tested, eh?
WOW have you been well taken care of!

Annie said...

Aloha, Joe. You're in my thoughts as well as my heart.