Heart event behind has passed
Matters of the heart
Thank you for the comments.
I will explain this Haiku. Next Wednesday, February 6, 2013, I am scheduled to have the pacemaker that was installed in November of 2011, tested. The VA doctors put the device in my chest and never tested whether or not it will indeed "shock" me if my heart malfunctions. My pacemaker has a built-in defibrillator and this defibrillator has never been tested.
Last month, I had the device checked and by hooking it up to a specially programmed computer, it was found that I haven't had any reoccurrence of Atrial Fibrillation or Atrial Flutter. I was taken off of the blood thinning medication, Coumadin, (Warfarin), and the pacemaker was powered down and put into a power saving mode. It was also noted that the device was never tested.
So, they will mess with my heart while I am under anesthetic and see if it works and the defibrillator does indeed shock me. It is a routine procedure to the doctors. But to me, it means they will kill me, then bring me back to life.
I know I am ready to die when the time comes, and no one knows when that time will be. It is out of my hands and I accept the inevitability of death. My anxiety is because I sure don't want to die at the hands of someone testing the device that is supposed to keep me alive.
Hence, the Haiku. The heart event coming up is the test next week. The heart events in the past were the previous heart surgeries and installation of the pacemaker. The last line is obvious then, all matters concerning the heart that beats inside my body.
This should explain it. I ask for prayers and good thoughts, not to live forever, but to be able to deal with the anxiety it causes me. Thank you.