You're Invited

This year, our Annual Los Dias de Los Muertos Celebration will take place on

Saturday, November 3, 2012

You are all invited. Here's your invitation:

Click on it to see it larger and clearer.

 Los Dias de Los Muertos means Days of the Dead. It is a South American/Mexican celebration that brings family and friends together for an evening of fun, laughs, memories and remembrance of the loved ones in our lives that have passed on before us.

As the legend goes, On November 1st and 2nd, it is said that the spirits can move freely between our world and the spirit world. This is the time that the spirits, of those we love and have lost, might be traveling through the realms from the other side.

The celebration includes a large altar where pictures of our loved ones are placed. We also put a momento or two on this altar, something the person liked when they were with us, something that would bring a smile to their face. Our daughter Maggie, who left this world in 1991, loved Doritos and Diet Coke. There will always be a can of coke and a small bag of Doritos on the altar along with her picture.

Over the years since her death, we have been having this celebration on November 1st every year. Some years, if it is close to a weekend, we have the celebration on a weekend day so more people can make it to the party. This year, November 1st is on a Thursday, so we will celebrate Los Dias on Saturday, November 3rd. 

We will place some items on the altar that will welcome all spirits, what they might need to travel, bread, water and salt and candles to light their way. This is not a religious holiday, but if you are religious, all religions are welcome as well as all people of all Nations.

It is an open house. Bring something to share, like a pot luck. We will have some food and dessert as well as some beverages. Pop and Ice for sure, BYOB. We’ll also have great coffee from my friend Steve’s J&S Bean Factory Coffee Shop!

We will have a large altar set up. It will have flowers and pictures and momentos of our loved ones. You may bring a photo of the person or people you have lost and momentos of their lives as well to display on the altar. You may leave these items, or take them with you when you go home.

This is a celebration of life. We remember our loved ones all the time, but this is a special day of remembrance. Stories will be told as we sit around the living room and out by the fire pit. You may think about bringing a chair for outside by the fire and make sure to dress for the weather! We will laugh and we will cry. We will see old friends and meet new friends. We will learn about the lives of people both living and dead.

This year, the loss of my friend, your Dad, Gene Artishon, is fresh in my mind. He will join the other people that held a prominent position in our lives, our daughter Maggie, our parents and other close friends. We are looking forward to seeing each and every one of you at this gathering. 

Since it is a Saturday, we will start later in the afternoon, 4- 5:00 PM. Stay as long as you like. Tent space available in the yard, crash on the living room floor with your sleeping bag or get a motel. We do have a couple of sofas. I’m sure some kind of breakfast/brunch will be made for all that stay over.

Children are welcome and encouraged. Bring your spouses, significant others and partners, husbands, wives and children. Try to leave the pets at home. Above all, bring an open mind to live like the people we are remembering are in the next room. This is what this celebration is all about. The lives of those that will never be forgotten. This is how we carry their spirit with us until the next year when we will do it again.

Any questions, feel free to call, write, text or e-mail. Enclosed is an invitation to share amongst yourselves. If you need directions or more information get a hold of us.

Hope to see everyone here.

Joe and Barb Spado

Peace

"Lost" Year

The government and most corporations operate on a fiscal year. Instead of the new year starting on January 1st, like the calendar year, the fiscal year starts at some other date and usually has to do with accounting or budgetary concerns. But what do you call a year that starts and ends with another date other than the First of January but has nothing to do with money or the budget?

I’m making up a name right here and now. I’m going to call this “Lost” year. It’s kind of a take-off on the phrase Last year. It’s lost because everything aged by one year, yet I barely had time to live most of it as I was laid up or affected by some kind of malady or disaster.

From October of 2011, when I returned from a great New Mexico motorcycle trip, things changed drastically. It was near the end of the month that I was sitting here, like I am right now, typing a story, in this same chair, and I felt funny. I felt a popping in my neck and could see my chest move rapidly with the beating of my heart.

That was the start of atrial fibrillation and other heart related problems. I found out I also had Congestive Heart Failure and when an angiogram was taken, I was told there isn’t much left by way of arteries in my heart to do anything about it. There was also a blood clot in my heart and that needed to be broken up and dissolved before a procedure known as ablation could be done to get my heart back to a normal beating rhythm.

I got out of the hospital on December 29th, 2011 and started my recovery from this episode. I didn’t go anywhere until March when I decided to venture out to Albuquerque and fetch my motorcycle. I had left the motorcycle there at a shop for routine service in the hope that I would return and get it right after November 1st. I never made it, so I stored it at PJ’s Motorcycle Shop until I could come and get it, which happened in Mid March, 2012.

I did get some travel in during May and June. I went out to California, with my bike in tow, and drove out there with my good friend Dave, Hal’s brother-in-law. We played some music and did some visiting. I towed Hal and his bike back with mine and we rode Michigan’s Upper Peninsula as well as did some projects here at Spadoville. We played more music.

After that trip, I was wondering about my future as far as riding a motorcycle was concerned. I had a few problems riding on rugged terrain and had the thought that maybe I should sell my motorcycle and put all the many miles I have ridden into a slot called “memories”.

I mentioned selling my bike at that time. A friend from Madison, WI showed a lot of interest and talked me into selling it. I turned around and purchased a new bike and kept on riding, but with the hot humid summer and busy schedule doing day care with my Grandkids and finishing all the projects we started when Hal was here, I didn’t ride too much.

I took a trip, via motorcycle, down to Taos, New Mexico, in early September. That was sheer joy. It was just a few days after I returned from that journey that my friend Steve called and suggested we meet in Manitowoc, WI and ride together for a couple of days. I did that and that’s when I had the accident.

The bike is totaled and I’m not sure what kind of permanent damage I’ll be left with as far as my mouth, jaw and teeth are concerned. I go to oral surgery to start treatment this coming Tuesday.

Besides my illness and the accident, there were more episodes that took place during this “Lost” year. We were notified that a very close friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is like a daughter to us and the news was a kick in the stomach for our whole family.

Adrienne, is the friend of my daughter Maggie. She was in the car accident in 1991 that took Maggie’s life. She is undergoing cancer treatments now. Mrs. Spadoman has taken her to the hospital for these treatments and will continue to do so as needed.

So far, things look very hopeful, but it is a scary thought while it is going on, especially with such a close friend/family member.

Around the same time that Adrienne told us about her breast cancer, my good friend Gene was heading down to the VA for a health issue. Gene lasted about two months from the onset of symptoms to his death from liver cancer.

Since Gene was a Vietnam Veteran and exposed to the chemical known as Agent Orange, I don’t doubt that his death was caused from this exposure. Another death from Vietnam that will never make its way to “The Wall”. I pray that the grief that his wife and children are going through is not too harsh on them.

Wait, there’s more. The Father of my Grandchildren underwent a major heart surgery last month. He seems to be pulling through so far, but there were other problems mentioned and this situation is not yet resolved.

Anyway, it has been one hell of a year from Last October to now. I’m not looking forward to the oral surgery at all and I sure hope and pray that they take care of Adrienne and that she pulls through. That means it’s not over yet by any means. I just hope “Lost” year comes to a close swiftly and in a good way.

I’m hoping and praying that this “Lost” year is over and that a new year starts today.

Peace

Silver Lining in Real Life

It’s been little more than two weeks since I had the motorcycle accident. I’m healing, slow but sure, but still in a lot of mouth pain. The bruises on my rib cage and my left leg are almost totally gone, but the teeth and places where I lost teeth, along with the lacerations on the inside of my mouth and my lip, are still quite painful. 

On top of that, I will go in to the Dentist and have oral surgery on a piece of tooth that has broken off and imbedded in my upper gum as well as another tooth that has broken in half, exposing the sensitive nerve endings. After that, my dentist will look at the situation and offer me my options for getting a set of teeth made, either a plate or a partial.

9/17 The day after the accident

I do have teeth on the right side of my mouth, upper and lower, but with the mouth pain and the lack of chewing surface, it has been virtually impossible to chew anything. This has forced me to change my diet and either eat only soft food that doesn’t need chewing or use a blender or food processor and make food so it slides easily through my mouth. At first, this wasn’t so much of a problem as my appetite wasn’t so great anyway, but now that I am feeling better and my appetite has increased, I am feeling the need for more nourishment.

Sure, I can eat pudding and ice cream and malts along with the creamy soups, but being a diabetic, that precludes me from having a diet rich in sweets and fat.

Mrs. Spadoman has done a magnificent job in the kitchen and using the blender, has made many vegetables palatable by smoothing them into a spoonable edible portion.

Squash, potatoes, corn, peas, rice, beans, mushrooms, apples, pears, plums and even spinach are in neat 1 Cup portion containers in the refrigerator. I simply microwave them and enjoy with a small spoon.

My favorite meal these days is brown rice and pinto beans with a couple of soft poached eggs on top.

That brings me back to my diabetes. It seems my body responded well to the portion control. Or maybe it was the easily digestible smooth texture of the food. Either way, I eat a controlled portion, and since I am not driving because of taking the pain drugs, (not safe to operate equipment or drive a car the label says), I am home to eat at prescribed times, which was another problem with my before-the-accident diabetes routine.

No bread, crackers or meat as I don’t want these things put into a blender and liquified. I’m using fresh food, not canned or processed foods, so it’s all good for you. Even the brown rice is mashed so it is easily spooned into my mouth and digested.

I’m not getting any salad, but I am eating plenty of greens. This diet has allowed me to slowly shed weight. I weighed around 240 pounds last October when I fell ill with the heart episode. I went down to 224 pounds by the end of December and managed to keep this weight off of me until now.

This morning, I weighed 211 pounds and it seems like I am still losing weight. I haven’t started doing any exercise, but that is the next obvious step that I will pursue. I have a bicycle and I will attempt to ride until the weather says I can’t get out there by being too cold or icy to make it safe. I have joined the gym where I received my cardiac rehab after last Winter’s heart stuff and will attempt to make it a habit to ride the recumbent bike and/or step machine at least ½ hour 4-5 days per week.

9/29 Still black, blue and purple

At home, I have some small weights, 5 pounders, that I will do curls and some leg exercises that I was doing last Winter. With the eating habits changed and the addition of exercise, I’d like to see myself get down to 199 pounds. This is not for vanity, but just to feel better and combat the Congestive Heart Failure and other heart ailments that plague me alobng with the diabetes.

Now, there’s the matter of being a diabetic. You may or may not know that I do take a once-per-day long lasting insulin at bedtime each evening.. Well, I do, and I was taking 70 units each day. Even with this amount plus the addition of taking an oral pill before breakfast and again at the evening meal, my blood glucose readings, that’s the amount of sugar in the bloodstream, averaged around 200 to 220 when I took the reading after fasting, I couldn’t seem to get it down. 

Most of this problem, I was told, was because I didn’t eat measured portions and I also didn’t eat on a regulated schedule. I also ate a few too many of the wrong things, or, I ate them at the wrong times, like too late at night or mid afternoon.

With the loss of weight along with the portion control and eating on a regular schedule, I reduced the insulin down to 28 units. From 70, that is quite a jump. The doctor wants me to have a blood glucose reading of 110 to 120 in the morning when I get up. It has been lower than that by quite a bit, and I’ve even woken up in the middle of the night with an extremely low blood sugar and had to eat something to get regulated again!

I’m reducing my insulin by 2 units every day until I get to that 110-120 reading in the morning. This is on the orders from my Primary Care Physician. There may be a time when I won’t have to take insulin any longer. I contribute this breakthrough mostly to the weight loss.

So, now I feel like I want to incorporate some of these measures into my life and make them habits. The portion control and blended food for ease of digestion. I knew I needed to do something, but since I was trying all the obvious weight loss ideas with no luck, it had to be something drastic. Because of the accident and injury to my mouth, the drastic measures I took happened to help my overall health.

The big challenge will be to keep this going, even after I get a new set of teeth. 

I hope I am equal to the task as I’m sure folks don’t get these second chances too often when it comes to diabetes. Thanks so much for the thoughts and well wishes from all of you. I appreciate it so very much. I’ll do my best to stay on track and do something with this chance.

Today, 10/3, 2012

As you can see, I'm still a bit swollen here and there, but the purple bruises are just about gone. ( I would have smiled, but with no teeth, I look hideous. I guess i do have just a little vanity) The hematoma I have, at the lower part of the left side of my face, is still there and puffs out that side of my mouth a bit, but overall, I feel much better and can't believe how lucky I am to have come out the other side of this accident with my life.

Mrs. Spadoman is so enthusiastic, she wants to open a diner and call it The Toothless Cafe. I’ll leave you with this recipe for a delicious Portobello mushroom sauce that is low in  calories and carbs and tastes great over a couple of smashed up boiled baby red spuds, brown rice or pasta.

Barb’s Mushroom Gravy

1 Pound of Portobello mushrooms, sliced

¼ on an onion, sliced thin

Olive oil

Garlic powder, Onion powder

Sautee’ the mushrooms and onions in a frying pan using the olive oil until fully cooked.

Place in a blender with ½ Cup or so of water and a teaspoon of chicken or beef soup base.

Blend on high until a liquid or gravy consistency.

(You may use 1 Tablespoon of flour or some Cornstarch to thicken to personal taste if needed)

Serve

Peace

Ode to the Seasons

Haiku My Heart

September 28, 2012

Haiklu My Heart happens on Fridays here at Round Circle and at other blogs. Pay a visit to Rebecca's recuerda mi corazon to find a list of other bloggers in our small beautiful community of sharing and find out how to participate.

Cloudy sunny day

Mix and match, change of seasons

Unbroken circle

It’s that time of the year. I know of no other place where the seasonal change in weather shows itself more than the upper Midwest of the United States. We can gauge our wardrobe and utility bills pretty much by the equinox and solstices, and those events keeping lock step with the calendar.

Many folks say that Fall is their favorite time of the year. I must agree, at least for this week, as we have temperatures in the 70’s with bright sun every day this week and the forecast beyond. But I like the frosty mornings as well as the cold rainy changes. Trees going from bright green fullness to stark gray branches. It does my heart good to see these miracles unfold before our eyes.

A small comforting fire in the fireplace has been utilized each morning before old Sol does his job and warms us. Funny to see the little children in shorts, shivering at the bus stop, then coming home, forgetting their sweatshirts at school.

Yellow and gold leaves are falling, littering the lawn, and although far less noticeable, the white pine sheds its needles and they are strewn all over the front yard and will make a gutter cleaning inevitable before the snows come.

Fall, another season. Another time of change. And we’ll be waiting to see what vengeance Winter brings. Predictions are for another mild time with less than the usual accumulation of snow. My friends in Albuquerque might have to make plans for a trip North this year to escape the long Winter cold.

Peace to all

My Take: Monday Night Football

I feel the need to chime in on a subject. Not feeling real creative yet, so no stories to share, but I do have a few opinions about a popular current event and I must clear the air. I’ll use my blog today to have my say.

Monday Night Football

Last Monday, the Green Bay Packers played the Seattle Seahawks. The Seahawks won the game by a score of 14 to 12. Everyone is up in arms because the last play of the game led to a call by one of the officials that changed the outcome of the game.

This happens all the time in almost every game that is played. The fact that this was a Nationally televised Monday NIght Game and therefore watched by a Nation of fans, coupled with the idea that the Referee, Umpire, Linesmen, Field, Side and Back Judges that regularly call the game are on strike, or locked out, which means basically the same thing to the fans and viewers, gave watchers a false reason to dislike the play calling.

But there is a difference. A lock out is when management won’t allow them to do their job because of some agreements and disagreements. A strike is when they won’t perform their job because of agreements and disagreements.

The fans don’t care which way it is because they think the replacement officials are doing a horrible job and the regular NFL employed officials, which are locked out, by the way, do a better job.

Case in point, an official makes a questionable call that dictates the outcome of a game on Monday Night Football. The fans blame the idea that these replacement officials aren’t as good as the ones they are replacing, and that if the regular officials were calling the plays, the other team would have won the game.

What do they think? That the regular officials that are locked out of their job won’t ever make a mistake?

Look at the Armando Galarraga no hit baseball game that wasn’t a no hitter because an Umpire missed a call. This happened on June 2, 2010. Galarraga, a pitcher for the Detroit Tigers, had retired 26 batters in succession. No walks, no hits, no errors. When the 27th batter, the last batter, that if called out, would have led Galarraga to a perfect game, a feat that is not very common in Major League Baseball, and a milestone in anyone’s baseball career, the Umpire at first base made a glaring error in a call.

The Umpire, Jim Joyce, a seasoned Veteran Umpire that has been calling plays in Major League Baseball since 1987, made a bad call. The fans knew it was a bad call, the announcers did too. Everyone knew it was a bad call and that Mr. Joyce, the Umpire, had made a mistake on a very very important decision.

The next day, Joyce apologized to the player as he realized his error. The game where he made the error went down in the record books with the errant call intact. Even an admitted mistake in officiating didn’t change the outcome of the game.

The Green Bay Packers need to get over it and live with the call as it was made and determined, whether it was a mistake or not, and whether it was made by replacement officials or not. They are NOT going to change the score of the game because of it.

I have an opinion about the play itself. As I saw the replay, and remember, the camera shots you get to see on TV are not scripted, they are at full speed and at the angle the camera gets IF it is pointed at the play or a part of it, the receiver had a hand on the ball and the defender also had his hands on the ball. When the players came down in a heap, the defender was on top of the receiver and the receiver had his hands on the ball.  Joint possession. The decision favors the receiver, by rule.

As the defender rolled off of the receiver, he then had sole possession of the ball. But at the time of the end of the play, they both had the ball. It is simply an opinion that the defender had more of the ball than the receiver. An opinion made during a highly stressful time of a highly contested play in a game that is played and decisions made very quickly.

So, wrong or right, it’s over. It won’t be reversed. Live with it.

The worst part of the matter is that the officials that are locked out by management are sitting there wanting to work and do their job but can’t because management wants to make more money for the owners and pay the officials less. Always about money, isn’t it?

When I worked as  Teamster truck driver years ago, if I were to pull up to a business and the union workers were on strike, or locked out, I would divert the load and bring it back to the terminal. 

I would not, nor did I ever, cross a picket line. This was to honor the idea of collective bargaining and support other union workers since I, myself, was a union worker.

I think the NFL Players Association, the Union that the players work under, should have refused to take the field for any game that the regular officials were locked out of from day 1. There would be no bad calls then as they wouldn’t play because they were honoring the picket line of another union. Greed. It’s all about money. Honor makes no difference any more and that, to me, is the real tragedy. 

Like war, where society allows the government to teach soldiers how to kill people. The world of football allows the owners to persecute the workers, in this case the officials, and we watch for our entertainment without regard to the psychic cost to the game, all in the name of money.

It is simple greed that cost the Packers to get a bad call and lose the game. That, and the idea that the team should have never played so poorly to be in a position to lose the game.

There, I said all I needed to say today. I’ll get back to my convalescing. Stitches are out, the black and blue is getting smaller and taking on a purplish hue, and my teeth, and the places where there used to be teeth, are healing but still hurt like hell.

Peace

Thoughts on a Sunday Morning

There is an old joke that we here in the Spadoman household say to each other all the time. It goes like this:

Perpetrator:   "Does your face hurt?"

Victim:          "No, why?"

Perpetrator:    "Because it's killing me!"

Then the perp laughs and points his or her finger. Observers laugh too.

These days, no one is saying that joke because they know that my face does indeed hurt. The stitches are itchy and some parts of where I am stitched up are sore. My mouth is sore inside and out. A large bruise on the left side of my face has a very sore lump underneath my chin, and the inside lower gum is very sore. Besides that, the tooth they took out last Monday because it was sort of hanging down out of its socket into my mouth has developed Dry Socket, or, infection. That really hurts. Besides these areas, I'm still sore all over, but the swelling is down, the black and blue parts are turning pink again and I'm sleeping pretty good with the help of Vicodin.

Tomorrow, I go to the VA and have the stitches removed, which I'm sure will be quite a job with the beard hairs I have grown since not being able to shave are the same length and look just like the stitches. I'm sure there will be some pulling of beard hair thinking it is a stitch and that will sting like the dickens.

After the stitch removal, I go back to the dentist and get a plan as to what they're going to do to replace the teeth I have lost and repairs to whatever else they find. (I'm worried about that lump and my sore gum). So, the day will be a busy one for me. I see myself at the VA pretty much all day.

In the meantime, my motorcycle is a total loss. I had insurance and I will pay the $250.00 deductible. The Insurance company will pay off the loan and send me a check for the rest as I did have equity in the value of the bike versus what I owed on the loan. I get rid of the bike payment as well and won't have to have it insured any longer and will save more there. Unless I buy another bike and make a loan, I'll save some money every month.

Many of my friends go beyond wishing me a speedy recovery. Some mention the idea of not riding motorcycles ever again. One friend called to suggest I buy a sports car instead of a motorcycle. I had already been thinking about the idea of long distance travel by myself and how much harder it is since last years heart problems.

Sure, I tell you the highlights, but I don't go into detail about the bad stuff. I admit it to myself and then decide if I will proceed. I did push the envelope with the 860 mile marathon I pulled off last Tuesday. I did it, but it wasn't without a lot of pain and discomfort. I have to realize and accept the fact that my old body can't be doing stuff like that any longer without being uncomfortable.

It is just plain hard to be like I was when I was younger and in better health.

Anyway, the thought is that for now, I will not buy another motorcycle and I will scrutinize my future of such activity over the Winter. Besides, I have a lot of projects that I have set aside all Summer. Now that the weather is cooling off to the point that it is no longer pleasant to hang around outside and the daylight hours are shorter and shorter each day, I'll have more time to be inside and catching up on so many things that I do want to accomplish.

I am motivated by others when I go to their pages and see their artistic creations. Yes, I do imagine myself as an artist and now even have some space to spread out my works as none of them are ever completed in a single day. If you want a Dream Catcher or Rattle or a genuine pair or matching set of Ojibway Woodland Snowshoes, now is the time to order.

To stop doing something I truly love, like riding a motorcycle, is a hard decision to make. I realize I don't have to make that decision today. There is no plan that must be executed before a certain date. As the mood strikes is the way I'll proceed, but wouldn't you know it? Leo's South, a motorcycle dealer in Southwest Minneapolis, sent me an e-mail as if it was right on cue, that all of their current inventory is reduced in price and there are incentives to encourage buyers to step forward. I mean, how did they know I lost my bike and needed another one? Do they read my Blog? Are they monitoring Facebook?

I didn't respond to the ad, but I did check out their used inventory until I got tired of sitting upright and needed to get into that comfortable reclined position that I have recently found to be so soothing lately.

I just want to say Thank You, loud and clear, to all of you that care about me and sent good wishes for a speedy recovery. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your friendship. If you'll excuse me, I have a Dream Catcher started and I hope I'll finish it today.

Peace

Laying Low

Haiku My Heart
September 21, 2012

Haiku My Heart happens every Friday here and at the blogs of many others that share their lives, through art and Haiku, with friends. To see more and find out how to participate, please go to Rebecca's recuerda mi corazon.

Blowing in the wind

Immune to trouble until

I crash and burn


Last Sunday, while on a leisurely motorcycle ride towards home with my good friend Steve, I was involved in a crash. My motorcycle is a total loss, according to the insurance adjuster. My face lost in this wreck as well. I lost many teeth and will have dentures as soon as the swelling goes down to a point where they can work at restoring my upper teeth. The stitches come out next Monday. I don't know how many the surgeon put on the inside and outside of my mouth, but the scar will run from the middle of my lower lip to the left, to the lower part of my left cheek.

Photo taken Monday, one day after the crash

I do have one broken bone, my right cheekbone, otherwise, the C/T scan showed no internal bleeding or broken bones anywhere else, the bleeding being a concern because I still take blood thinners ever since last Winter's heart fiasco. Just some heavy bruising, especially in my rib cage on the upper left side. A few scratches on my left leg in the shin area and my already bad shoulders that suffer from torn rotator cuffs are more sore than usual with the left arm not having any lifting capacity.

The majority of the pain is coming from my broken teeth and the stitches, which go from the middle of my lower lip down and to the left side of my face, below the mouth to my chin. I'm scheduled for a dental surgeon on Monday afternoon to see the extent of the damage. I'm sure I'll have teeth in a jar at my bedside, yet another harbinger of geezerhood.

Without reliving the entire episode, I will tell you that a car coming towards me on a well marked newly paved two-lane rural Wisconsin highway, came over the double yellow line into my lane. I avoided the head-on collision and took the roadside ditch. Things can happen in an instant to anyone at any time. Why me? Why at this particular moment in my life or another person's life? There is no answer except to say it happened and I survived. The other car left the scene quickly and immediately and left me in the ditch bleeding.

Photo taken early this morning showing the bruising below my chin and on my cheek and around my right eye

I'm going to be on the mend for a while. I'll be around, but not in the mood to sit upright in a desk chair for hours on end. Just thought you'd like to know that I'm alive, I'll mend, and that I am still one tough son-of-a-bitch

Peace